Merry 2018! To kick off this year we have Sarah Lajeunesse on the Curiously You show. We are discussing the modern paradigm of intertwining our worth with our work, how we can go about releasing our out-dating stories in order to connect with and express our untapped human capacity. Through this we begin to shift with confidence into our authenticity, showing up as we are, and owning our voice.
I’m willing to put out there that each of us holds a story that we believe to be truth. We often build a great deal of shame, guilt and lack of self-worth around these stories, which disempower us and prevent us from living our best life.
Throughout this episode, Sarah provides examples and case studies to help us create meaning around our lack of self worth, move through and beyond our limiting belief systems, and show up with compassion and acceptance for ourselves as we get ever-closer to who we are, at our core.
You’ll love this episode if:
Time-stamped Show Notes
[4:54] Sarah started her career about 15 years ago and got into the sports marketing world. She desired to work for Nike in marketing, events and corporate sponsorships across Canada.
Her very achievement-driven outlook meant Sarah started to focus her self worth with the success of her career. The bigger house, the better position, bonus or whatever validation she received in her work was evidence of her worth. She would receive temporary fulfilment when achieving these things, then she would go back to feeling unfulfilled.
The logical part of her brain told her she needed to do more. As she got busier, her life started to fall apart. Her long-term relationship ended as she found it difficult to separate her personal and professional life. There was limited time for for health and wellness.
This culminated with a severe anxiety attack during yoga. She couldn’t stop worrying about all of the emails that were flooding into her inbox whilst in the yoga session, and so she sprinted into the change room where she started shaking and vomiting uncontrollably.
From there, she had the experience of, “when the student is ready, the teacher or message appears.” She believes she was her own biggest client when she started her own journey.
[9:39] The core of Sarah’s work is understanding that we all know what will make us happy, but there is something at a subconscious level that stops us from moving forward. Through the work that Sarah does, she believes that at our core, there is this incredible powerful level of humanity.
As children, we were a perfect blend of excitement and creativity, and at our most authentic. Over time, people of influence such as media, parents, siblings, coaches or mentors influence us in a way that sticks with us. We may witness or experience something that on a subconscious level that begins to affect our self-worth. Each individual tried to compensate for that lack self worth in different ways, from being overworked, to addictions, etc.
[14:15] When we have an awareness of where our scripts originate, this allows us to understand them. Certain moments in our past cause us to feel inadequate or unworthy, and drive the shame and guilt that we feel.
Sarah talks through some examples of particular clients and their belief systems around self worth. It’s about finding the story you told yourself, and understanding that every human being has those same shadows of guilt and shame.
There is always opportunity to move beyond the past – it’s important to be in a safe and judgement-free zone as you are working through those false stories and belief systems that prevent you from moving forward.
[17:58] When we go through all of the things that make sense to do, like life coaching or yoga, sometimes there is an impossibility of escaping the pain as your mind is taken back to that place, no matter what.
Sarah talks Jen through a childhood experience she had when she hurt herself, and the expectations that were set around her to “just get on with it.” With women especially, there is a very powerful influence and pattern of behaviour and thinking that forms through the father/daughter relationships. Sarah goes into examples of how some of her clients have demonstrated this.
As you make amends to overcome the story you have told yourself, you must give yourself permission to rewrite your story in way that feels right for you. It’s coming to an understanding that those who helped you build the foundations of your story are doing the best that they can. However, their way of doing things doesn’t mean that it’s your way of doing things.
If we are going to blame our parents for anything, we need to do it in a way that’s elegant, compassionate and with intelligence – without these experiences, we wouldn’t be taught love and compassion. Every single person and experience is specifically put there because we need some lesson from it.
[27:18] Can you stand back and observe what is happening to you, whilst not being angry at the memory of it? In this way, you can exercise understanding, compassion and forgiveness around why certain influences in your life played out the way that they did. When you store emotions, they can eventually start becoming toxins in your body, which then start to come out either in your emotions or physically. You can find meaning in your suffering, and benefit in releasing it. This is the start of your healing journey.
The healing can begin after we realise that life is happening for us, not to us, or against us. All of your suffering and pain happens for a reason, whether it’s a lesson you need to learn, or to help your loved ones to not suffer from the same experiences.
When you find the meaning in your experiences, you take the energy from it, make sense of it, and then release it. It’s a constant journey. There isn’t a one size fits all overnight approach to help people understand what is going on underneath all these layers of being.
[38:03] Relapses happen, which can be anything from purging and binging food, sex addictions, drinking problems, and more. For Sarah, it was overworking herself. Sarah’s partner at the time had to chase her out the door to go and get a massage.
It’s ok to still have those relapse moments. You have to be very loving, kind and compassionate to yourself because you are working through many out-dated belief systems and stories that have become engrained within you. Sometimes it helps to picture yourself having a conversation with the “little you” who created that belief system while you are working through it.
[41:53] Suffering, anxiety, depression and inner turmoil – those are signs that you are not expressing your true authentic self and true power. Sometimes it also results in an outburst, which is when you start to feel negative emotions.
What Sarah loves to discuss is giving yourself permission to speak your truth, even though it may not feel comfortable, nor right all the time. It’s about continuously giving yourself and doing things that allow you to express yourself to your truest potential. You have to be able to be your best self.
Start to evaluate the things in your life that are inauthentic with you. It could be with a partner or friends – find the parts of your life that don’t feel authentic. Give yourself permission to speak your truth in as many areas as possible. The second we hold out and don’t speak our truth, or allow our voice to be heard, we train our subconscious mind to believe that we are not deserving of self love, or self worth. We have been taught to sweep our emotions under the rug and suffering is the result of not being able to express our authentic self.
We put our own needs on the backburner for so long, it will start to manifest physically in so many ways. If we don’t give ourselves permission in any given area, it starts to add up over time.
Sarah Lajeunesse is an internationally certified and award winning coach who helps people from all over the world elevate their potential personally and professionally.
Connect with Sarah:
Sarah’s recommended books and media
Make Your Life Extraordinary by Dr Guy Riekeman
As Sarah suggests in today’s podcast, how can you stand back and observe a memory you hold, without being angry at the memory of it?
Similarly, I believe that when we can learn to fall in love with a limiting pattern that we hold, that may have been born from a painful memory, we will watch it melt away.
Let us know in the comments how this concept lands with you?
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Thank you for tuning in curious friends! Until the next episode, take care of yourself.