Hello Curious Friends! In today’s episode with Life Coach Jess Garay we are discussing what it means to lead an intentional life in honour of pursuing your big picture dreams and goals.
Jess shares her story of working as a nurse, and noticing that people always regret what they haven’t done in life, rather than what they have. Yet this is only in retrospect; in the present moment we tend to do one of two things: either dream so big that we find it hard to fill in the blanks that will get us there, or get so caught up in getting through each day that we live by default, and end up drifting away from our dreams.
Today’s episode is all about what we need to foster in ourselves to reach our secret long-term dreams. We look at it through a lense of simplicity, creating an intentional life: what that looks like, and how to create it.
There is great power in looking after ourselves, visualisation, and creating smaller goals to get us closer to our dreams, which we explore, along with how to move past fear, worry, and doubt. In following this process it will bring us closer to reaching what we desire.
You’ll love this episode if:
– You are so busy just getting through the day that you don’t even know what your big dreams are. This will help you gain more clarity.
– You have big picture dreams, but they seem really far away and unachievable from where you stand. This will help you close the gap.
– You struggle to say “no”, express your needs, and look after everyone else before yourself. You’ll learn how this is doing everyone involved a disservice, and what you can do about it.
Time-Stamped Show Notes
[7:28] Jess Garay is a certified life coach, but prior to that she worked as a registered nurse for nearly 10 years. She found she wanted to impact and work with people on a different and deeper level and so moved into life coaching.
As a life coach, she has conversations with people who wish that they did things differently and had chosen a different path in life. She has a friend who runs a life-coaching school, she signed up and hasn’t looked back. She enjoys exploring what it means to choose your best life.
[8:58] Eight years into her nursing career she learned that, at the time, studying nursing was the best choice for her. However sometimes you can work really hard for something, and arrive at what you think is the perfect life, yet something is missing.
Jess didn’t want to pass on opportunities or have any regrets. And she knew that she could impact people on a more meaningful level beyond nursing. Shifting into coaching shifted her entire life, and the tools she acquired impacted her work as a nurse.
She was inspired by and learned a lesson from the people she talked to as a nurse. She noticed that the regret they felt came from the things that they hadn’t done in their lives, and wished they had, rather than the things they did, but wished they hadn’t.
[12:34] Looking at the big picture of your life, what are the things that give you the most joy? Are you doing what will enable you to have the best life possible? If you’re working towards having those deep relationships or that career that you want, what does that look like for you and how are you going to get it?
This all sounds very simple, but if that were the case, why isn’t everyone doing it? Yet fears surface as we pursue our dreams. With two children herself, Jess knows the demands of day-to-day commitments. So how can you start to really believe that your dreams are possible? It’s not an easy process, otherwise everyone would do it.
Jess believes that boundaries are important, or the ability to say “no”, which gets easier in time and with practice. Simply put, if you don’t want to do something, say no.
When you say no to something, you’re saying yes to something else. So if you’re saying no to something that someone else has asked you to do, you’re saying yes to self-care, spending time doing what you want to do. This is a practice that will help you create alignment with yourself, and your bigger picture dreams, because you are saying no to the things that don’t bring you joy.
[17:59] Jess explains how can we go about living an intentional life every day. In her nursing career, had a longing for something more, but she couldn’t clarify what it was. It easy to get caught up in the every-day, doing this and that, going here and there. We don’t think about our big picture dreams, and how we are going to arrive at that future we really desire. Or other times, we create a big vision future, but miss the steps in between.
How do you get from where you are, to the things that you want to do in your future? Jess believes it comes back to boundary setting, all too often we are doing things that we don’t need to do, or doing things ineffectively.
A lot of people often forget themselves along the way in their journey of life and they prioritise everybody else and, in doing so, are not able to shine their best light into the world. We pour all our energy into our friends, family, jobs, work and oftentimes we forget ourselves – and our own precious energy – in this process.
Eventually, with this pattern, you won’t be able to give to others either. This is where boundaries and self-care is important so you can maintain your energy levels to give to yourself, and to others.
What do you want in your world/life and what are those things that you can do in the meantime that will get you closer? For Jess, it always starts with personal development. To read, watch or listen to something that will blow her mind (and heart), and get her closer to those goals.
[23:10] It’s natural to have fears and doubts; our worst critic is often ourselves. When those fears and doubts come in, if you take those as truth, you won’t get to that bigger picture because you’re so stuck in your head.
You must figure out what is truth and what’s not truth, and being kind and gracious as a result. You were made for amazing things in the world; beating yourself up before you get there is really going to inhibit that space you want to get to.
One of the ways Jess recommends to start is through guided meditation: visualise walking on the journey you desire. Follow the story and take yourself to that future place. For a moment, take yourself away from your current reality and out of your mind.
[24:09] Jess works in a future-oriented manner, that is, your dreams and goals: how does your best life look? The past comes up because that’s what shaped who you are now. Yet, when you get as specific as possible about what you feel like is holding you back, with time and patience you accept the path you are currently on. From that point you can start working toward the life that you want.
[26:08] It’s whatever speaks to you the most, and whatever you’re going to get the most out of that will work for you. You can visualise separately from a meditation, or together. When we hear concepts of meditation, we feel like there’s only one way to do it. Everyone is individual. Test a few different ways out, and find what works for you.
[28:56] Cultivate your own tool kit of what works for you. Move into the goals you desire by breaking them down. What are those three goals that are going to get you closer to living the life that you love? Things that you’re going to do today, or overall in general.
[32:12] All of these things you want to do, these passions – it can be overwhelming. Start with small steps. Avoid fast-forwarding your goals and pushing yourself beyond your limits as in the long term that’s not a good strategy. Keep in mind that you do need to take these steps so a great way to map out the pathway is through brainstorming what exactly is that you want to achieve.
It’s also important to be realistic about what you can do. Don’t set yourself up for failure before as those mental games are going to creep in. Look at those goals and be realistic about it. Work back from the goal to figure out what is the desired action. You’re going to have to break that goal down into meaningful chunks.
Sometimes it can be as easy as delegation: get others to do the work. It will relinquish you and, create time for you to do what you love. This could be in your personal life, or in your professional too. Learn how to say no and live with intention.
Connect with Jess Garay:
I Choose Joy: The Daily Gratitude Practice That Will Transform Your Life by Danielle Delgado
Rising Strong by Brene Brown
Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert
Have you clarified your big picture dreams? If not brain storm it out, and don’t be afraid to dream big!
When you’ve clarified your dreams, break that dream into a smaller, more manageable goal.
Is there an even smaller goal needs to happen first?
Keep going with this until you have gone as far back as you can to where you are standing, and the next step you need to take.
What is that very next step?
Let me know in the comments!
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Thanks so much for tuning in Curious Friends. I hope the next step you take toward your big dreams is fully aligned, filled with courage and intention.
Until the next episode, take care of yourself.